(Image Above: babble.com)

The Jack-O-Lanterns are extinguished. The costumes are stored away in the closet. The embarrassing photos are hopefully not on Facebook. It’s sad, but it’s true – Halloween is over. Over it may be, but there’s still loads of candy lying around, whether it’s your personal spoils of trick or treating or leftovers from the lack of costumed kiddies that knocked on your door. While you indulge in chocolate bar after gummy bear after chocolate bar, you might as well put your head to work as well as your digestive system. And so, without further ado, this week’s Top Ten, in celebration of Halloweens past, present, and future, presents to you the “Top Ten Facts About Candy!”

10. Wondering why chocolate melts in your mouth? It’s because the melting point of cocoa butter is just below 98.6 degrees, the human body temperature.
9. When they were first created, gummy bears were named “dancing bears.”
8. The Snickers bar, created in 1929, was named after the inventor’s family horse.
7. The biggest lollipop ever produced was roughly 18.9 inches thick, weighed 4,031 lbs, and measured more than 15 feet tall, stick included.
6. Kit Kats were originally introduced in the UK as “Rowntree’s Chocolate Crisp.”
5. When it was first produced in 1932, Three Musketeers was a package of three pieces of candy nougat – chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
4. William H. Luden, best known for inventing his namesake cough drops, was also the inventor of the 5th Avenue Bar.
3. Roughly 35 million pounds – about 9 billion pieces – of candy corn are produced each year. If you laid this amount of candy corn end-to-end, in would wrap around the moon nearly 21 times!
2. Younger children as less partial to chocolate than their older compatriots. Fifty-nine percent of 9-11 year-olds prefer chocolate, while only 46 percent of 6-8 year-olds call it their favorite.
1. For some odd reason, houses with black shutters are 77 percent more likely to give out Kit Kat bars to trick or treaters.

(Images Above: southcarolina.scout.com and dailypennsylvanian.com)

You want your school mascot to be something frightening, something grand, or something august, right? Something like The Warriors, The Tigers, The Spartans, or The Fighting Okra. The Fighting Okra? What? Can someone please break out into a rendition of “One of These Things is not Like the Other?”

Yes, it’s true. There are some mascots out there that are purely baffling, absolutely bamboozling, simply befuddling. So, sit down, take a deep breath, and prepare yourself for a barrel of laughter – the “Top Ten Strangest School Mascots!”

10. The Hubbers of Smethport High School.  A wheel. Must have thought they were on a roll when they came up with this one.

9. The Anchormen of Rhode Island College.  I wonder if their color is burgundy – Ron Burgundy that is.

8. The Artichokes of Scottsdale Community College.  Nutritious, delicious, and oh so… frightening?

7. The Blue Hose of Presbyterian College.  If it’s a garden hose, I don’t get it. If it’s hose as in tights, I expect their mascot to be quite fashionable.

6. The Banana Slugs of UC Santa Cruz.  What are you gonna do, ooze all over me?

5. The Brewers of Vassar College.  Seems a ‘beer-y’ ironic choice for a college mascot.

4. The Claim Jumpers of Columbia College.  Before you can even get the words out of your mouth, they’ll shout, “You are NOT better than us!”

3. The Mighty Macs of Immaculata University. A computer, a raincoat, or a burger? Which one is it?

2. The Fighting Pickles of North Carolina School of the Arts. How can someone with a functioning ‘brine’ think up such a thing?

1. The Dirtbags of Long Beach State Baseball Team. Something to be proud of, for sure.

What’s your school mascot?

(Image Above: eCurry.com)

It’s everyone’s favorite part of eating Chinese food – cracking open the fortune cookie. Whether the slip inside is sweet or sour, wanton or ’suey-ious,’ discovering your fortune is always good for a laugh, a puzzled stare, or a least a little cookie.

10. Don’t let your limitations overshadow your talents.

9. Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.

8. A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.

7. You are far more influential than you think.

6. Your co-workers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity.

5. Do not underestimate yourself. Human beings have unlimited potentials.

4. Protective measures will prevent costly disasters.

3. Ignorance never settles a question.

2. Be direct. Usually one can accomplish more that way.

1. A well-aimed spear is worth three.

(Image Above: MobileHealthNews.com)

We can only hope that the below errors, found in doctor’s reports, are the result of doctors’ infamously bad handwriting suffering from a case of ‘getting lost in translation.’ Whether or not that’s the correct diagnosis, these mistakes are so funny that they might just have you aching for more amusement.

10.  Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
9.  Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
8.  The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
7.  Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
6.  Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
5.  I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
4.  Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. (Blank), who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
3.  The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
2.  The patient refused an autopsy.
1.  On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

(Image Above: hotfile.wordpress.com)

This week’s Top Ten will be a little game. Plenty of celebrities take on a moniker during their climb to stardom. Can you guess which celebrities belong to the true names below? Answers are at bottom. (No peeking!)

10. Henri Donat Mathieu
9. Cherilyn Sarkisian LaPierre
8. Dante Terrell Smith
7. Ralph Lifshitz
6. Declan Patrick McManus
5. Diane Michelle Halfin
4. Curtis Jackson
3. Eleanor Gow
2. Marchese di Barsento
1. Farookh Bulsara

Click here to see the answers! Read the rest of this entry »

(Image Above: ehow.com)

As winter sets in, you might be thinking about sprucing your house up a bit. A spruce, however, is probably not the best option when looking to green up your home. So, this top ten is here to plant some fresh indoor gardening ideas in your head!

10. Angel Wing Begonia.  Great for practicing bad pick up lines: “Did it hurt?” “Did what hurt?” “When you fell out of heaven?”

9. Cactus. A hardy plant like this will never desert you.

8. Audrey II.  Lively and entertaining, but watch out if you’re dating a guy named Seymour.

7. Orchid.  It’s just plain purdy.

6. Basil.  An all around great, useful plant. Never a ‘pest-o’ to take care of.

5. Whomping Willow.  Ask Potter if a plant like this needs to be potted.

4. Bleeding Heart. So pretty that it makes my ventricles hurt.

3. Viola Tricolor.  Might play classical music in addition to looking nice.

2. Aloe Vera.  Perfect for anyone who’s burning with desire for a houseplant.

1. Money Tree. Someone should invent a real version of this. The current money trees are just posers.

What plants do you keep in your home?

If you’re feeling a little blue as of late, it can’t hurt to make your life more colorful. You can always get new, vivid garb, but this week’s Top Ten will give your grey matter a few more ideas to ponder when you want to add a splash of color to your world. Once you’ve ‘red’ this Top Ten, you might feel the need to give a few of these recommendations a try. If you do, I guarantee you’ll never be ‘marooned’ on the island of boredom.

10. Read famous books with color in the title: The Scarlet Letter, A Clockwork Orange, The Color Purple.

9.  Go see the Blue Man Group perform.

8.  Apply to become the mascot of Syracuse University.

7.  Make a music playlist themed around color: “Purple Haze” by Hendrix, “Tangled Up in Blue” by Dylan, “Black Sand” by Jenny Lewis, etc.

6.  Paint the town red, either in the literal or figurative sense.

5.  Have a color-themed movie marathon: Purple People Eater, Fried Green Tomatoes, The Gold Rush.

4.  Dress up as Rainbow Brite for Halloween.

3.  Eat a lot of Red Velvet Cake.

2.  Take a trip to New England to see the Fall colors.

1.  Do the “Blue Steel” pose at random moments throughout every day. It will make you really, really, ridiculously good looking.

How do you make your life more colorful?

(Image Above: Cheezhead.com)

Where would we be without the double entendre, the double meaning? This week’s Top Ten Misunderstood News Headlines shows us that what we write might not be read right. But therein lies the fun. So, let’s order another round of hilarity from the Top Ten; oh, and don’t forget to make it a double.

10.  Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter. That must have been one slow cashier!

9.  Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents. It wasn’t the parents’ fault. It was genetic. The survivor shouldn’t take it out on them!

8.  Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead. Thank you captain obvious.

7.  Miners Refuse To Work After Death. Before refusing to work after death, you think they’d refuse to be worked to death.

6.  Old School Pillars Are Replaced By Alumni. This must be what happens if you don’t contribute to the alumni fund.

5.  Include your Children when Baking Cookies. This one was likely written by hungry dingoes.

4.  Stolen Painting Found by Tree. A tree finds a painting? How can this happen? I’m stumped.

3.  Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half. So you better stop playing hookie!

2.  Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Quite nearly a question that encroaches on personal space, not outer space.

1.  Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case. Cruel and unusual punishment taken to greats lengths, or lack of lengths, if you will.

(Images Above: Stumpsspirit.com)

With homecoming right around the corner, this week’s Top Ten can’t help but dedicate itself to this awesome affair. In search of inspiration, the Top Ten went out into the field, exploring what homecoming-related topic it might feature. It took an arduous journey though decades of hairstyles, dozens of dresses, and zillions of silly songs.  After such travails, this week’s Top Ten triumphed, finding a funny theme to get you all in the spirit for homecoming. Without further ado, we are proud to present its newest installment, The Top Ten Homecoming Themes! Now go get dolled up and dance!

10.  Casino. Choose this if you don’t want to take a gamble when choosing a fun theme.

9.  Egyptian Mysteries. Everyone will go around asking, “What walks on four legs in morning…?”

8. Tropical Paradise. Do you think they’ll serve cheeseburgers?

7. Hollywood. Watch out for those people taking posed photos of you; they might be paparazzi!

6.  Rock ‘n Roll Fantasy. Coming up with this idea calls for drumming up some serious inspiration.

5.  Masquerade on Bourbon Street. Great theme if you like to dance the ‘rum-ba’ and ‘tango-ray’.

4.  Over the Rainbow.  Everyone will be looking for pots of gold under their table.

3.  Under the Sea. This night will have you drowning in delight.

2.  Jungle Nights. Lions and tigers and formal wears, oh my!

1. I Promise you the Stars. Sure to be out of this world!

What’s the homecoming theme at your school this year? Or, what would you like the theme to be?

(Image Above lsgvintagebaseballcards.com.)

No, we haven’t made a typo; we’re not talking about a bear who steals picnic baskets. Although Yogi Berra rose to fame as a baseball player for the Yankees, he also had a way with words that few can top. You may have heard some of his sayings, such as  “It ain’t over till it’s over,” and “It’s like deja-vu all over again,” but there are plenty more bits of his off-kilter wisdom waiting to enlighten you. These profound witticisms, also known as “Yogiisms,” are so well-put in and of themselves, that we can’t even comment on them. So, for this week’s Top Ten Yogi Berra Quotes, we’ll let some one else do the talking. What are some of your favorite quotes or adages?

10. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours. ”

9. “Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true. ”

8. “Nobody goes there anymore; it’s too crowded.”

7. “The only color I don’t have is navy brown. ”

6. “If you come to a fork in the road, take it. ”

5. “Never answer an anonymous letter. ”

4. “You can observe a lot just by watching. ”

3. “The future ain’t what it used to be. ”

2. “We made too many wrong mistakes. ”

1. “I never said most of the things I said. ”

To develop your own repartee, read up on Sounding Smart At Parties, or, for a laugh, check out Passive Aggressive Notes.