What on Earth are You Wearing? September’s Book of the Month

September Book of the Month

Warning: Do not read this book while drinking tea or coffee or soda or, well… anything… because the definitions of this “illustrated encyclopedia of fashion” will surely cause you to snort your beverage straight out of your nose.

Witty, brash, amusing, and cheeky to the extreme, What on Earth are You Wearing? hails from a planet much more engaging than your typical coffee table book. Between its eye-delighting drawings and cry-inducing definitions (“Fatigues: really, really tired clothes that are so exhausted they can’t muster any pretty colors”), it’s pretty hard to close the cover on this book once you’ve cracked it open.

At a loss for words over how great this book is? Then, you’ll gain a bit of gladness to find out you’ve a chance at winning this book if you respond to the creativity-provoking prompt below!

Write a short, droll, fashion-related definition of your own.
Here’s an example: “Argyle: a pirate’s favorite fabric.”

  • You have until Thursday, September 27, 2012, to participate.
  • Though you may leave comments after the above date, any comments left after 11:59 p.m. PT on September 27 will not qualify.
  • Only comments left on this blog post will be counted into the giveaway.
  • Winners will be chosen at random.
  • We will contact you via e-mail if you are a winner.
  • For more information, please see our Contests & Comments page.

Now, go have fun fashioning creative comments!


About Hannah

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  1. Avatar
    Eliza 09/20/2012 at 11:09 am #

    Satin: A fabric often used for crazy New Year’s Eve shirts. Also refers to intentional hind quarter placement.

  2. Avatar
    Anna H. 09/20/2012 at 12:35 pm #

    Boots: Shoes a ghost would wear in the colder months…if they have feet.

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    Brittany 09/20/2012 at 12:47 pm #

    Gauchos: Pants that inflict pain upon those within their view. The wearer themselves may feel the pain of social alienation.

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      Roni 09/20/2012 at 8:16 pm #

      Haha! This is great.

  4. Avatar
    Bethany V. 09/20/2012 at 2:11 pm #

    Poncho: A blanket-turned-overcoat that helps increase an individual’s worldliness.

  5. Avatar
    Victoria 09/20/2012 at 4:06 pm #

    Write a short, droll, fashion-related definition of your own.

    Blazer: A bright or glowing jacket that has sudden or intense outbursts

    • Avatar
      Susan 09/21/2012 at 5:36 pm #

      Good one!

  6. Avatar
    Katrina 09/20/2012 at 4:10 pm #

    A hem is the sound fashionistas make when someone’s bold choice has definitely gone too far and the length of their garment has not.

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      Katharine Ellis Tapley 09/21/2012 at 5:22 am #

      This one made me snort my coffee! Love it!

    • Avatar
      Susan 09/21/2012 at 4:52 pm #

      Good one!! Excellent, actually. Very clever.

  7. Avatar
    NaomiS 09/20/2012 at 7:43 pm #

    Corduroy: Was originally called “Cord du Roy” because a man named Roy tried creating a clothing line only made with pieces of cord. It was a terrible flop!

  8. Avatar
    Lauren Mocny-Branum 09/20/2012 at 7:56 pm #

    High heels: Giving women unnecessary confidence to teeter-tot around all night

    • Avatar
      Alexis Barnes 09/24/2012 at 11:46 am #

      What a beautiful definition.

  9. Avatar
    Joyce Cheng 09/21/2012 at 1:22 am #

    Jeggings: The pair of jeans you can wear to a club.

  10. Avatar
    Caitlyn 09/21/2012 at 11:04 am #

    Sequins: Glitter’s inebriated cousin, often seen on Las Vegas showgirls and New Years Eve party goers.

  11. Avatar
    Kait 09/21/2012 at 11:11 am #

    Skort: An offspring of shorts and a skirt that resulted in a genetic clothing mutation.

  12. Avatar
    Kristi 09/21/2012 at 11:51 am #

    Parka: A woman’s best friend after all the holiday treats have disappeared.

  13. Avatar
    Susanne 09/21/2012 at 1:07 pm #

    Kitten heels: heels that are so adorable, they leave you purring with satisfaction.

  14. Avatar
    Mari 09/21/2012 at 1:11 pm #

    Prairie skirt:
    A full skirt with a petticoat flounce at the bottom that went out of style after Laura Ingalls Wilder died.

  15. Avatar
    Reb 09/21/2012 at 1:14 pm #

    Jeggings: Denim-patterned spandex pants so tight they squeezed out ‘ean L’

  16. Avatar
    Mikaela 09/21/2012 at 1:29 pm #

    Berets: floppy hats young American hipsters wear in a desperate attempt to appear more exotic and edgy, while the French gently sniff in distain and venture outside, too hip for hats.

  17. Avatar
    Corey 09/21/2012 at 1:41 pm #

    houndstooth: a pattern inspired by what you saw when your neighbor’s dog bit you while riding in a shopping cart

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    Twinkle 09/21/2012 at 1:42 pm #

    Pointy Toed Shoes- A fashion formation for the extermination of the hard to kill cockroaches concealed in corners.

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      Amalia 09/23/2012 at 2:41 pm #

      Die cockroach, die!!!

  19. Avatar
    Paulette 09/21/2012 at 2:05 pm #

    Fatigues rather hit the mark!

  20. Avatar
    Sara Cummins 09/21/2012 at 2:06 pm #

    Turtle neck sweater: Although it may seem logical, not sold with a shell as a sweater set

  21. Avatar
    Petra 09/21/2012 at 2:13 pm #

    Boatneck: a neckline inspired by the action of a boom to a sailboat, when it knocks you into the water.

  22. Avatar
    stephanie 09/21/2012 at 3:24 pm #

    Flower glitzy: a flower pattern dress with a glamourous necklace on top.

  23. Avatar
    Tanushree 09/21/2012 at 4:19 pm #

    Turtleneck: when you’re not sure if you can see the neck and head, or just the head.

  24. Avatar
    Lilly King 09/21/2012 at 7:00 pm #

    Funnel Neck: A type of neckline that is most popular with scientists and those who frequently work at county fairs.

  25. Avatar
    Lilly King 09/21/2012 at 7:05 pm #

    Funnel Neck: A type of neckline loved by scientists and those who frequently work at county fairs.

    • Avatar
      Lilly King 09/21/2012 at 7:06 pm #

      Oops, went twice! Sorry! My internet is really bad! 🙁

  26. Avatar
    Angela 09/21/2012 at 8:15 pm #

    Wool: a scratchy, itchy material that is more uncomfortable to wear than just sleeping in the hay with the sheep.

  27. Avatar
    Sunshine 09/21/2012 at 8:29 pm #

    Polka Dots: cooler than Wallflower Squares

  28. Avatar
    Chloe 09/21/2012 at 8:51 pm #

    Bandage dress: for when you’ve suffered a torso injury and must remain tightly bound yet have a party to attend.

  29. Avatar
    Melissa kramer 09/22/2012 at 3:07 am #

    Paisley: a design only an interior decorator from the 1800’s would love

  30. Avatar
    Beth 09/22/2012 at 6:36 am #

    Patent leather shoes: an unexplainable form of torture for your feet that sometimes must be experienced because of the extreme cuteness of the shoe.

  31. Avatar
    Hannah 09/22/2012 at 7:29 am #

    Glitter: This addition to any garment will make sure it really sticks with (and to) you through it all.

  32. Avatar
    Sierra 09/22/2012 at 8:52 am #

    Ponchos: For the little girls in their terrible two’s that put up a fuss when their mother tries to put a winter coat on them. Also for those who are too tired or lazy to lift their arms and insert them into sleeves.

  33. Avatar
    Elizabeth 09/22/2012 at 10:40 am #

    ModCloth clothing: A modern way to rediscover the great history of fashion!

  34. Avatar
    Bridget 09/22/2012 at 11:48 am #

    Tank top- A shirt that shows off your “guns”. (In an entirely peaceful manner of course)

  35. Avatar
    Kourtney 09/22/2012 at 4:42 pm #

    Epaulette – Making manly men look fancy since 1672.

  36. Avatar
    Rose 09/22/2012 at 8:13 pm #

    Fanny Pack: The fugly child of a belt and a purse, that should always be burned, and never worn around your waist.

  37. Avatar
    Christy 09/23/2012 at 12:30 am #

    Suede: A more convincing version of leather

  38. Avatar
    Stephanie Wratney (@sswratney) 09/23/2012 at 2:26 pm #

    Velvet: fabric worn by ice skaters, former beauty queens, and cat ladies.

  39. Avatar
    Amalia 09/23/2012 at 2:42 pm #

    Flipflops: Half-coffins for your feet.

  40. Avatar
    Nadira 09/23/2012 at 3:03 pm #

    The best outfit is your birthday suit. But once in a while its great to display some other fine attire =)

  41. Avatar
    Desirae 09/23/2012 at 7:03 pm #

    bikini: The only time its okay to walk around half naked and pick wedgies 🙂

  42. Avatar
    madeline 09/23/2012 at 8:24 pm #

    sequins: flashy adornments fit for a craft project, a dance club’s floor, or your favorite dress 🙂

  43. Avatar
    Haminat 09/23/2012 at 9:21 pm #

    High heels: Ah, so tortuously delicate, these implements allow you to look fabulous as you totter on the edge of graceful.

  44. Avatar
    Christina 09/24/2012 at 11:00 am #

    I can’t stop laughing. These are all so great!

    Come check out the Food & Wine Magazine Giveaway I’m having.


  45. Avatar
    kshalom 09/24/2012 at 11:58 am #

    Tie-dye :the aftermath of impure intoxicating intimacy between clothes and colors.

  46. Avatar
    bee 09/24/2012 at 12:36 pm #

    Spandex- Richard Simmons’s fabric of choice.

  47. Avatar
    Nicole 09/24/2012 at 2:48 pm #

    Mohair: Something a bald man desires

  48. Avatar
    Em 09/24/2012 at 10:54 pm #

    Cargo pants: the camouflage won’t hide your shame, but all the pockets do make it easier to carry around.

  49. Avatar
    Tree Girly 09/25/2012 at 7:32 am #

    Crocs: Smelly boxes of plastic to ward off potential friends. *Thanks for the heads-up, miss”

    • Avatar
      Amalia 09/25/2012 at 2:01 pm #

      I do not agree. I adore Crocs, if they’re the name brand.

  50. Avatar
    Dana Welsh 09/25/2012 at 9:13 am #

    Capris: pants named for a city that I understood explicitly once I visited there. It’s difficult to stay stylish and fabulous when the sun is beating down hard enough to make you almost pass out on the bus. So you need to show a little skin and keep cool!

  51. Avatar
    Dana Welsh 09/25/2012 at 9:17 am #

    Lace: Eminently classy or tragically trashy, its versatility runs the spectrum.

  52. Avatar
    Eliza 09/26/2012 at 8:27 am #

    Jeggings: You think you’re fooling everyone, but you’re not.

  53. Avatar
    Shannon Byers (@myfairfrock) 09/27/2012 at 11:52 am #

    Taffeta: fabric confection made by twisting the best salt water taffy and feta cheeses in the world

  54. Avatar
    Kate 09/27/2012 at 2:13 pm #

    Crocs: a duck’s go-to flipper hider.

    (although honestly, I love wearing crocs! 🙂

  55. Avatar
    Erica 09/27/2012 at 4:07 pm #

    Harem Pants: Jeannie’s (from ‘I Dream of Jeannie’) go-to flouncy bottoms.
    See also: MC Hammer

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