Top Ten Terrible Pick-Up Lines

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We’ve all heard the line, “I lost my number, can I have yours?”  This is all good and well (by which I mean forehead-slapping bad), but there are far more creative ways to be unsuccessful. For a few of the funnier ones, take a gander at this week’s Top Ten Terrible Pick-Up Lines. What’s the worst pick-up line you’ve ever heard?

10.  If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous. No, I would not like fries with that.

9.  Will you be my horcrux tonight, so l can give a piece of my soul to you? If this person isn’t JK (either the author or, “Just Kidding”), this merits use of the Evanesco spell.

8.  Hey baby, you must be a light switch, ’cause every time I see you, you turn me on! One good way to kill the spark between two people.

7.  I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun – with a large force inversely proportional to the distance squared. Whoever uses this one might not realize the gravity of their mistake.

6. Do you have a map? ‘Cause Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes. And we all thought men didn’t ask for directions.

5. You must be Windows 95, because you got me so unstable. Feel feel to boot out anyone who tries to boot up a convo with this one.

4. Whenever I am near you, I undergo anaerobic respiration, because you take my breath away. Brings up great memories of high school biology, like dissecting little creatures.

3. You’re so hot, you denature my proteins. There’s clearly no chemistry in a potential relationship here.

2.  According to the second law of thermodynamics, you’re supposed to share your hotness with me. Unfortunately for this one, the world works in strange ways.

1.  My love for you is like a fractal – it goes on forever. You + me no longer equals us.


About Hannah

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  1. Avatar
    Cyn 07/13/2009 at 11:04 am #

    God, i thought I had heard all the bad ones, but these are worse. I love the hp one though. it cracks me up

  2. Avatar
    ladygoat 07/13/2009 at 11:08 am #

    Those are hilarious! I’m off to try #3 on someone!

  3. Avatar
    Charlene 07/13/2009 at 11:20 am #

    I agree, the Harry Potter one is so epically bad/awesome, I have to repeat it somehow.

  4. Avatar
    laura 07/13/2009 at 11:51 am #

    These are awful! If someone said them to me I just might laugh at them!!!

  5. Avatar
    Laura 07/13/2009 at 12:21 pm #

    Hahaha. I would never use any of them, but I adore cheesy pickup lines.

    And Hannah, I just read in your bio that you love the word “rapscallion.” Ku-DOS. That’s one of my favorite words as well!

  6. Avatar
    Laura 07/13/2009 at 12:22 pm #

    Oh, I forgot to add – one of my personal favorites is one that I heard on Whose Line is it Anyway: “If I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?” Heh.

  7. Avatar
    Amelia 07/13/2009 at 12:24 pm #

    Love those science-inspired ones!! Denature my proteins, ahaha. Love them!

  8. Avatar
    Michelle 07/13/2009 at 1:14 pm #

    Harry Potter FTW.

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    Shannon 07/13/2009 at 1:32 pm #

    Wow, whoever compiled this list must have been hit on by their school’s science club. Biologist, physicist, chemist…oh, and the odd computer geek who’s still mocking Windows 95, hahaha!

    The Harry Potter one is so stupid it could actually work!

  10. Avatar
    Hilary 07/13/2009 at 2:45 pm #

    Haha, they’re quite brilliant. Though anyone who manages to work HP into ‘normal’ conversation wins in my book. Maybe it needs to be a bit more subtle though.

    One of the bad ones I’ve heard was, ‘If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together’. Kind of clever, but no.

  11. Avatar
    Natalie 07/13/2009 at 7:08 pm #

    If someone came on to me with one of these, I’d have to give them a chance – they’re just too funny! Then again… maybe not. XD

  12. Avatar
    Hannah 07/14/2009 at 5:26 am #

    Laura, you are a rapscallion!

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    Katie 07/14/2009 at 5:50 am #

    Here’s one:

    I wish I was DNA polymerase so I could unzip your genes.

    It’s always been my favorite!

  14. Avatar
    katlyn 07/14/2009 at 6:14 am #

    all of these are hilarious!
    especially the windows ’95 one, i think that has to be my favorite

  15. Avatar
    Joana Wilton 07/14/2009 at 8:49 am #

    Being a full-on geek, I actually loved some of them..

  16. Avatar
    Siri 07/15/2009 at 4:27 pm #

    Hahah love them.

    What about this? (for math geeks everywhere)
    I wish I were a derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

    Or, alternately…

    If you were my homework, I’d slam you down on the kitchen table and do you all night long.

  17. Avatar
    Sarahnargle 07/27/2009 at 9:58 pm #

    These are all super nerdy, and therefore I love them. Especially the HP one, though I’ve always preferred “I would watch your dot all summer.”

  18. Avatar
    Sarahnargle 07/27/2009 at 10:03 pm #

    I heard this one recently:
    “How much does a polar bear weigh?”
    “How much?”
    “Enough to break the ice; can I buy you a drink?”

    As a lover of terrible pick-up lines, I was actually pretty impressed by it’s creativity.

  19. Avatar
    Leighann 08/09/2009 at 6:52 am #

    If you were a booger, I’d pick you first!
    haha love the hp one…. =D

  20. Avatar
    cheesy chat up lines 04/03/2011 at 1:02 pm #

    #5 would definitely get me haha. As a guy, if a girl says anything nerdy with confidence I swoon.

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